A Thousand Years
by McDiggin'It
Summary: For a thousand years, I was able to stay away from him. But in one moment, I knew everything was going to change. MERGANA! Set after the Merlin series. Morgana POV.


Title: A Thousand Years

Summary: Morgana watches Merlin from afar for a thousand years, before something finally pushes her to reveal herself to him.

…

I know he's alive. I've known since the first time I saw him a thousand years ago, standing barefoot on the shores of Avalon. At the time, I wanted to go to him. I wanted to wrap my fingers around his neck and squeeze until the life left his eyes.

Whatever it was that prevented me from going to him and doing exactly that, is the same thing that has prevented me from revealing myself to him all these centuries. Although, what that thing is, I still don't know.

There's a lot I still don't know. Like why I came back and Arthur didn't. I know I don't deserve the second chance I got. But I got it, and I wasn't going to waste it on my anger. Instead, I left Camelot behind and built myself a peaceful and quiet life. It wasn't until decades later, when I heard of Queen Gwen's passing that I finally returned to watch her funeral service from afar. And when Merlin left afterwards, I followed.

I've watched him from afar, following him wherever he goes. I kept a safe distance, knowing that he could sometimes sense things and people around him. He hadn't sensed me, but he'd almost seen me several times.

There were times when I think he'd actually gotten a glimpse of me. Those were the times when I would flee, like a coward. For some reason, speaking to him, having him know I was there, watching him, terrifies me more than anything else in the world. I would flee as far away from him as I could. I would cross the entire world to wait until he'd convinced himself that the glimpse of me he'd seen, was only in his imagination.

But like a moth to a flame, I would always return. It doesn't matter what corner of the world he's in. I would always find him. For a thousand years, I watched him grow stronger in power, better in magic, and smarter at hiding his true identity. He's gone by many names. Names I sometimes found odd. But he has always and will always be Merlin to me.

It is on his 1,025th birthday when everything changed.

I felt a bit creepy, standing at my bedroom window with a pair of binoculars, watching him sit alone in his condo. A small cake sits on the table in front of him. He'd been this way for centuries. I've watched him celebrate his real birthday alone, blowing out a single candle every year. I've counted every single one of those years.

I watch as he leans back, his eyes moving from the cake, to the knife beside it, and back. An odd shiver runs up my spine as a cold draft blows into my bedroom. I blink, squinting my eyes as I continue to watch him.

He picks up the knife slowly, and he lifts his eyes, looking straight across the room. My breath catches inside my throat as he's suddenly looking right through the window, as if he could see me. I knew that was not the case though. He doesn't know I'm here. He doesn't know I'm watching.

And then it happens.

The moment he lifted his wrist, and glanced at it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. What I didn't know, nor prepare for, was the way my heart suddenly stopped. I didn't know that it would lurch, twist and feel as if it were being yanked out of my chest while I watched in horror and fear, as Merlin lifted the knife and sliced it across the inside of his wrist. A gasp leaves my lips, and I watch in horror as he slits his other wrist, before he drops the knife.

My reaction was instantaneous, a piercing scream leaving my lips as I dropped the binoculars and raced to the door. I did not stop or slow down, bounding down the stairs, out the door, across the street, into his apartment building, up the stairs and right to his door. I did not stop as I summoned all the magic inside me, and blasted his door to pieces. I did not stop as I rushed to his side and fell to my knees beside him.

A sob escapes my lips as I pull his upper body over my knees so he's resting his head against my chest. I tear the front of his white shirt to shreds, quickly wrapping the pieces around his wrist to stem the blood flow. Summoning every healing spell I knew under the face of the sun, I begin to chant, but then the strangest thing happens. A whisper.

"Morgana."

I stop abruptly, my tear filled eyes blinking rapidly as I look down at his face. A loud gasp leaves my lips as I stare at him in shock. I greedily take in the deep blues of his eyes, and my heartbeat increases rapidly.

"Morgana." he whispers again, his voice weak and hoarse. Tears collect in his eyes and cascade down his cheeks.

I didn't know what to say or do, and I'm low-key panicking because this is the first time in a thousand years that I was actually looking right at him, and I was touching him, and I could hear his voice. It was all so relieving and overwhelming. My heart is still beating for some reason, but I'm thankful for it as I stare at Merlin with wide eyes. "You idiot." I whisper harshly.

He musters a smile. It's weak, but by the gods it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. "You finally came."

I freeze. It takes a few moments for me to recover before I ask, "What?"

"You finally decided to come to me."

I glare at him then. "Because you tried to slit your wrists like an idiot, Merlin!" I snap at him and he winces. I only feel marginally sorry. "You don't get to leave me." I add a little softer. Tears fall down my face and I don't even care because I'm feeling way too much at the moment.

Merlin smiles again, his eyes fluttering closed. I widen my eyes, grabbing his shoulders and shaking them before slapping him across the cheek. His eyes snap open and he glares at me.

"Don't fall asleep!" I scold. Anger and frustration and something else I've never really felt before begins to fill my chest and I glare at him. He's smiling, and I hate him for it. "I hate you." i spat.

"I know." he nods sadly. "I know."

"But it doesn't mean I want you to die." I whisper honestly.

He smiles softly again. "You don't?"

I shake my head harshly. "No. Why'd you try to—". I cut myself off. I couldn't bring myself to finish the question, but he knew.

He smiles and raises his bloodstained- wrapped wrist, touching my cheek. I instantly lean into his touch. "Because I didn't know anymore if you were ever going to come to me."

I furrow my eyebrows confusedly at him, taking several long moments to decipher what he's saying before it finally clicks. I stare at him with my mouth hanging open. "You knew?"

He nods slowly, his eyes weary and his smile, sad. "Yes."

"How— How long?" I ask fearfully.

His eyes trace over my face for a moment before he brushes his bloodied thumb under my lip. "Since I brought you back from the dead… a thousand years ago."

So many emotions were warring inside me, but I was only able to focus on one. As I stare into his pain-filled eyes, I realized how much pain I've put him through, following him, being there so close to him, but never going to him. I realized how it must've killed him everyday, waiting for me to come around, to finally come to him. He gave me a second chance. He gave me a second chance to make things right between us, and it took me a thousand years to finally be here. And only because he'd tried to take his own life. I shake my head at him and I ask, "Why did you do it?"

He shrugs, knowing I'm referring to why he brought me back, "Because I owed it to you."

"You didn't owe me anything." I argue halfheartedly.

He smiles. "Morgana, the moment I gave you that poisoned water, I owed you everything..." He trails off, letting his tears fall again. "It is the reason I did not come to you all these centuries. It is the reason I waited so long. I owed it to you to go through all this pain, all this waiting, until you were ready to come to me."

"So why take your life?" I asked in bewilderment.

He smiles again. "Because I knew you'd come. I had to force you here somehow." He smiles sheepishly, and I stare in disbelief.

Taking his wrists, I glare at him. "Are you bloody out of your mind?! You could've died!"

He actually laughs then, and it sends tingles up my spine. It's surreal, actually hearing his laugh again after so long. "I think death is not in our cards, Milady."

My eyes fill with tears yet again, and i smile. It's been so long since someone has called me by that title. It feels exactly like a thousand years ago when we were both scarless and innocent. "So you tricked me into coming here." I accused half seriously.

He smiles at me and shakes his head. "You know I can't die, Morgana. You knew, but you came anyway. Because—". I shut him up by pressing my hand against his mouth. I wanted to be the one to say the words.

"Because watching you for a thousand years made me realize how much I miss you, care for you, and up until just now, how much I love you."

Merlin raises his hands, placing them on either side of my face, and then pulling my head down to his. Our lips meet tentatively at first, before the fire of a thousand years roars within us and we're suddenly ripping each other's clothes off.

In the throes of passion, Merlin admits his love for me, and when we're settling back in his bed, he whispers something into my ear. Something that shocks me more than anything else that has happened. "I've loved you from the moment I saw you a thousand years ago."

"That long?" I ask tearfully as I watch his eyes grow heavy with exhaustion.

He nods. I want to ask him why he never told me before, but I decide not to.

I watch him long after he's fallen asleep. It's still surreal, being here with him, in his bed, touching him, feeling his warmth, hearing his soft inhale and exhale of breath. I kiss his cheek, smiling as he smiles a little to himself. And as I trace a hand over his chest above his heart, I whisper, "You've loved me for a thousand years. I'll love you till the end of time."

...

A/N: Excuse me for the slight tense confusions and errors. I'm a lazy git. But I hope you guys liked this story. Wrote it in an hour and decided to post it. Thanks for reading, and please review!

-McDiggin'It

P.S. I'll be updating "The Mad Prince" soon! It will be a shorter chapter than the fourth, but it will at least be a sooner update, and it'll move along with the story. If you don't know what "The Mad Prince" is, it's one of my multichapter Mergana fics. READ IT IF YOU'RE A MERGANA SHIPPER! Many thanks!


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